Stop ruminating: 10 highly effective methods to get off the mental merry-go-round.

Is life really challenging you right now? And are your thoughts constantly going in circles? Keep calm. Even true overthinkers and worrywarts can stop the debilitating rumination! Here are my most effective methods to help you step off the mental merry-go-round and ruminate less.

Are you still pondering or are you already thinking?

Let's make sure we're talking about the same thing. Because brooding and reflecting are two completely different things.

When brooding, thoughts circle without direction or goal.

Worrying thoughts usually creep in when you're trying to relax. Instead of recharging your batteries, sleeping, or carefree doing something enjoyable, these thoughts hold you back.

When you ruminate or worry, your thoughts revolve around a problem that is currently challenging you, often overwhelming you. Typically, ruminative thoughts focus on the past or the future.

"How am I ever going to manage that?"
"Where is all this going to lead?"
"Why did he leave me?"
"Why didn't I..."

They undermine self-esteem and self- confidence .

Because it's about things from the past, like "If only I had done this or that back then." But these things have happened, and you can't change them now.
Or things in the future where the feeling of being overwhelmed makes you develop horror scenarios with all sorts of bad things that could happen or are yet to come.

Naturally, this creates a lot of unpleasant feelings like anger, helplessness, fear, and sadness. But above all, you don't make any progress; instead, you merrily spin around in the famous mental merry-go-round.

What is the difference between thinking and reflecting?

Thinking is productive. It's aimed at finding solutions in the present, for a problem that's on your mind. But in a way that moves you forward instead of dragging you down.

"Who could I ask now to...?"
"Should I do A or B?"
"Can I do it the same way as back when I..."

Yes, thinking can sometimes cost you sleep , especially when dealing with a complex problem. But in the end, you ask yourself constructive questions that bring you closer to solving the problem or accepting the situation – allowing your mind to find peace again.

This kind of peace is not found when brooding.

Therefore, it is very important to learn how to get out of this endless loop.

To help you stop overthinking, I've compiled effective methods that will calm you and your mind. Here's what you can expect.

4 psychologically sound strategies that can help you during acute bouts of rumination (e.g., when you actually want to sleep) and
6 proven methods to help you get rid of your ruminative thoughts and sustainably break free from the cycle of negative thinking.

First aid for rumination attacks

Let's start with strategies for acute rumination. So, if you're lying in bed and can't sleep because of racing thoughts , or if you just can't unwind during the day, here are four psychologically sound strategies.

1. Change the feeling of rumination and you change the ruminative thought.

In short

Thoughts and feelings are fortunately closely linked. You can use this to your advantage.
We'll do this with an exercise where, metaphorically speaking, you're searching for the error in the program that's causing the endless loop at this moment.

Here's how: Step-by-step instructions

If you are overcome by a ruminative thought, you can stop the rumination by doing this:

Mindfully and as non-judgmentally as possible, notice that you are currently ruminating ("Ah, I'm just going in circles.").
Turn your attention inward and locate the "feeling of rumination." Describe it as precisely as possible:
- Where in my body do I feel it? In my head, my throat, my chest…
- How does it feel? Rough or soft, warm or cold?
- Can you visualize it? What color is it? Is it big or small, light or dark?
- Name a shape? Is it square or round, three-dimensional or two-dimensional?
- Do you notice a particular taste on your tongue or smell in your nose?
Now change individual components. One at a time.
- If it's big, make it small.
- If it's difficult, make it easy.
- Move it inside your body.
- Change the color from dark to light.
- In this way, you'll find the one characteristic (usually it's just one characteristic) that is the driving force behind the change. Once you've found it, the whole problem disappears. The ruminative thoughts vanish.

The whole thing using an example

Imagine you're lying in bed, brooding over an important question (Should I separate? Can I handle this? Oh God, this will never work!). If you mindfully observe this thought and follow the instructions, it could look something like this:

You feel a pressure in your chest. You're lying in bed and realize that breathing is so difficult, as if there's a large weight on your chest.
You try to perceive all the details of the sensation. Perhaps it feels heavy and cold, large and dark blue.
Now try changing individual characteristics. For example, imagine that [your body] is small . Feel into yourself: Has anything changed? For better or for worse? If it feels better, keep the change. If it feels worse, reverse it.
Then consider the next property. Perhaps you want to warm it up (from cold to warm). Better? Worse?
Or the color: Does anything change if you change it from dark blue to a bright yellow or a soft green? Perhaps also consider where the sensation is located in the body. What happens if you move it upwards or downwards, for example, from your chest down into your abdomen?
When you try this, you'll feel the "most important quality." It's a truly liberating feeling that I want you to experience.

Pro tip

Note which characteristic it was that changed the feeling and thus the thoughts. This point is important because you can use this "most important characteristic" in the future when you have ruminative thoughts and want to change them quickly.

2. Use feel-good questions

In short

When you think about beautiful and positive things and events, your mind and body relax.
If a worrying thought arises, change your focus.
Instead of thinking about this question, ask yourself questions whose answers bring you joy and lift your spirits.

Examples of "good mood" questions:

What am I happy about right now? And what else could I be happy about if I wanted to?
What am I particularly proud of? And what else could I be proud of if I wanted to?
What am I especially grateful for? And what could I be grateful for if I wanted to be?
What excites me? And what else could I most likely become excited about if I wanted to?
Which people do I love? And which people love me?

3. Reward rumination with an unpleasant activity and you will stop ruminating.

The following method comes from Milton Erickson, a well-known American hypnotherapist. He was once asked by a desperate patient what he could do about his nightly rumination and the associated insomnia.

Erickson then asked, in essence, "What activity do you hate?" After some thought, the patient said, "I hate polishing my floor."

To that, Erickson replied, "So I prescribe the following for you: Every evening, when you are lying in bed and realize that you are brooding, please get up and start polishing your floor."

Here's how: Step-by-step instructions

Make a list of the things you really hate.
Choose an activity you truly hate. However, keep in mind that you shouldn't start every activity at 3 a.m. if you want to avoid family conflict…
Continue this activity until your tiredness overcomes your rumination. Only allow yourself to go to bed when you are no longer ruminating.
Repeat this ritual every time you notice yourself ruminating.

This fourth step is important because it establishes a learning experience that will ensure you avoid rumination like the plague in the future.

4. Benefit from the thought-stopping method

Perhaps you've already tried to switch off your thoughts. And found that, unfortunately, it doesn't work so well – because they are, after all, an essential part of you.

Here's how: Step-by-step instructions

As soon as a worrying thought arises, imagine a really big red stop sign.
Say out loud (even if it's just in your thoughts): "STOP! Now is not the right moment for me to deal with you. Tomorrow again."

Of course, this doesn't solve the underlying problem – but it does give you some distance and prevents endless brooding from robbing you of peace and relaxation.

The next morning, for example, you can then clearly and actively decide when and how to tackle what's stirring inside you in a solution- and goal-oriented way.

6 methods to stop ruminating and get out of the thought loop

The following methods will help you reduce and eliminate rumination as a thought habit. So that you are in control – and not your worries or ruminative thoughts.

1. Look the enemy in the face.

In short

Keep a sort of rumination journal for a few days.
Get an overview and learn to recognize your ruminative thoughts.

Why this is so important

I understand that you don't find ruminative thoughts attractive. That's why you want to avoid them. As soon as they arise, you probably try to push them away.

But that makes it even more powerful. And: You can't actively fight it. Furthermore, your rumination is often linked to specific circumstances. Certain places or moments of the day make you more susceptible to it. That's why it's important to face the enemy head-on. If you know what topics you're ruminating about, and when and where, you have leverage to change things.

How you can succeed:

#1 Observe yourself for a few days. Take notes. This will help you determine whether you always start ruminating in the same situations or whether it's different situations.

Answer the following questions:

When and at what times do you ruminate?
Where do you brood?
What are you pondering?
What are the recurring fears or anxieties in question?

#2 Set aside a specific time for thinking.

Give yourself space to brood, for example in the evening.
Allow yourself to ponder for about 15 minutes, always at the same time.
Write down everything that comes to mind. No matter how jumbled it may be. Jot down every scrap of thought, even if it's disorganized. Don't worry about grammar or spelling.
Set an alarm and stop after 15 minutes. If ruminative thoughts arise again later in the day, postpone them until the evening.
After a few days, you can also deduce exactly what's bothering you. (Plus: You've gotten it off your chest, which is extremely helpful and relieving!)

What it brings you

This step is important to trigger the interruption. Furthermore, you'll notice that you're not controlled by rumination, but rather that you allow yourself to ruminate. This makes a big difference in terms of self-efficacy.

For example, if you only ruminate at night in bed, you can get up and distract yourself as soon as you realize you are ruminating.
If you're pondering a particular topic, you can ask yourself who might be able to give you advice, or – as the saying goes – start cutting the elephant into slices.
If you always find yourself brooding on weekends because you're alone, you can make plans to meet up with someone.
If you're at work and can't concentrate because you're ruminating, you can acknowledge the rumination as a part of yourself trying to tell you something important. And invite it to return later (in the evening during your usual rumination time).

2. Question your ruminative thoughts

In short

A reality check takes away the power of rumination.
This leads to a reduction or even a neutralization of the distressing feelings associated with rumination and puts the ruminative thoughts in a realistic position.

Why this is so important

We tend to generalize and catastrophize.

Something goes wrong and you have the thought of total incompetence: "I am an absolute failure."
You lose your job and think: "I'll never find a job again. I'll have to sell the house and move into social housing."
Your relationship falls apart and you tell yourself: "I'm incapable of relationships." "I'll be alone for the rest of my life."

How you can succeed

Don't take every thought at face value. Critically examine your thoughts and check whether they are justified. Stop generalizing and get specific.

Ask yourself, for example, what exactly happened that caused it to go wrong. Who besides you contributed to the outcome, who is responsible for it? Were you given a task you could easily handle, or did you need to be trained for it? Is there perhaps a lot going on in your life right now? What exactly are you still unable to do? What do you need to learn to prevent this mistake from happening again?
Or the thought, "I'll never find a job again. I'll have to sell the house and move into social housing." What exactly makes me think that? You've already had a job—it didn't just fall from the sky. What financial resources do you actually have available right now? How long does it take you to find a new job?
What's a concrete first step toward finding a job?
Take the statement, "I'm incapable of relationships; I'll be alone my whole life." What speaks against this assumption? Perhaps something like, "You've already been in a relationship," or "Others have found love again after a failed relationship." Be specific: What exactly is causing this fear? Which of your traits or behaviors leads you to believe you're incapable of relationships? What suggests that you can grow in this area, or that a future partner might appreciate precisely that?

What it brings you

Questioning things puts powerful generalizations into perspective and often reduces them to trivialities, for which solutions quickly appear on the horizon. This alleviates your fear and puts you in a position to actually think about solutions.

3. You are not a slave to your thoughts

In short

It's normal that you can't stop your thoughts.
Make this clear to yourself: Your brain creates thoughts – what matters is not whether they occur, but whether you believe them or not.

Why this is so important

Your brain never sleeps. Your inner word machine ceaselessly produces thousands of thoughts in a very short time.

Your brain is constantly busy sorting and organizing everything you experience throughout the day, everything that has occupied your mind.
Even when you're asleep, it's awake and at work.
You often can't control whether and what kind of thoughts come.

But that doesn't mean you are helplessly at their mercy.

Even if thoughts arise unbidden, you can determine how much space you give them and how you deal with them. For example, you can decide how much attention and credibility you give them.

How you can succeed

Let go of the idea that you can completely prevent certain thoughts. That's impossible. Instead, accept that a problem can also occupy your thoughts intensely. It's okay for the thoughts to be there. BUT: Don't confuse yourself with them; instead, create some distance. You can do this, for example, by not just thinking the thought, but by recognizing that a part of you (your brain) is producing it. This makes it easier to question it (see point 2).

When the thought comes to you: "I can't do this.", tell yourself: "My brain is currently producing the thought that I can't do this."
If the thought comes to you: "This is too much for me.", tell yourself: "My word machine is trying to convince me that this is too much for me."
Or if the thought arises: "I have no chance.", tell yourself: "My thinking apparatus is currently producing the thought that I have no chance."

4. Tackle and eliminate your "problem" at its root.

In short

Search for the cause of the brooding and worrying.
Go for it, take steps and become active.

Why this is important

Brooding alone changes nothing. However, when you take action in the here and now, some problems resolve themselves. Most importantly, you decide what time of day you want to deal with the problem. (Most likely, you won't choose bedtime.)

How you can succeed

Grab a sheet of paper and draw a table with two columns. On the left go the unchangeable facts. What can't you change in this situation? These are the things you need to accept. On the right go the solvable problems, meaning everything that's currently scaring or worrying you, everything that's on your mind, but where there are (presumably) solutions.
Develop ideas for the items in the right-hand column. Grab some sticky notes if you like and write down any possible solutions that come to mind. Don't be afraid to think outside the box. The more freely you think, the more likely you are to come up with ideas.
See if there's a logical order (what comes first, what comes next?) or if certain aspects are more important than others. Tackle those first.
Decide which steps you want to take and set a timeframe in which to do so.

If you're stuck in a quandary, get help. Whether from a friend, a coach, or a counselor. Let a neutral observer assess the situation. Often, the matter is much clearer to an outsider – and unambiguous words could help you clear up the inner turmoil.

Pro tip

Let's tackle this together!

In my online program "The Stress Pilots," we take a close look at your thought and behavior patterns, uncover the causes of your racing thoughts, and tackle them at their root. So you can finally switch off and move through life with ease.